I went to a dance party and felt like a 1000 years old. Thank gawd for smartphones because then I have somewhere to look instead of staring at everyone with a sad face that says OMG I WANT TO JOIN YOU BUT I AM NOT DRUNK/AMPED UP ENOUGH/FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT DANCING. It wasn’t until the end of the night where not one but TWO boys talked to me.
1. “SO WHAT DO YOU STUDY?” “POETRY.” “OH WOW.” “YEAH HEH HEH YOU CAN’T TRUST US!” (why did I say this because) “OH YEAH I KNOW. I DATED ONE AND HE WAS A LIAR AND I LEARNED TO NEVER DATE A POET AGAIN.” “UMM.”
2. “WHERE YOU FROM?” “PHILLY. YOU?” “NEW YORK!” “OH WOW HA HA I’M LIKE YOUR UGLY STEPSISTER.” “THAT YOU ARE!”
I’m a hit in NOLA/total catch/swipe left-worthy, right?
AREA’s hot shot prof dad just thought her lover’s/teacher’s intellectual’s tastes are lightweight and then I flashed forward to 2016-2017 where I’m teaching HS english and some parent thinks I’m a deadweight for watching pretty little liars and writing on my tumblr as my only published work.
I love staying up all night binge-watching Netflix on one tab, and on the other tab, stalking everyone on facebook/instagram/twitter, which spurs more feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and nostalgia.
1. omg vague posts are the WORST, but I do like ones that are in all caps. Maybe it’s a match.
2. Curious about becoming a shoe shiner at a hotel but I feel like I need to be an insanely optimistic and listen to businesspeople about how successful they are/sports/stockquotes/1%politics(?) and provide recommendations in a city I have zero clue about because I spend my days either in bed with netflix, at a weird dive, an expensive gay pool I have no business being at, and coffee shops pretending I’m working on something important. Also would probably need to part my hair/make it look shiny.
3. Totally thought a post was looking for someone to be TUMBLING INSTRUCTOR ie teaching people how to use TUMBLR O___O
Private Pet Sitter/Walker, Various locations, Jun 1996-present Provides care to various breeds of cat and dogs; duties include feeding, walking, grooming, waste management, initiating play, and maintaining clean and habitable pet spaces.
Do you like how I look like I almost have ~20 years of experience? “Waste management”? “Initiating play”? “Habitable pet spaces”? Missing subject? Do you see through me?
I’m kind of proud of this (especially some awk phrasing/puffery), but I could be delusional. IDK it’s rough out there in the big easy lol.