1. Today I am listening to “Toy Soliders” by Martika on repeat. I learned on Wikipedia that it’s a song about her friend who was battling a cocaine addiciton. Most people thing of it as a break-up song. I’m listening to it as a grief song as I mourn my country.
2. I have been published in three things. One magazine took down my poem, one is a gay boy print mag that’s going to close shop, and one is an essay ABOUT MY HAIR. People tell me they like my work but sometimes I wonder if people like to tell me Nice Things so I don’t sob in front of them.
3. I have a “stack” of poems called PREMIUM BRAWN. I pitch as this as a “collection” that deals with queer interrogation of voice, genre, and masculinity. But let’s be real: they’re just poems about boys.
4. My relationship with New Orleans has evolved. Since 2014, I’ve made new friends but my friend group shifts every 3 months because it’s a fluid city. I miss the density of Philadelphia but I don’t miss the attitude. There’s a guy that uses his Philly meanness as a marketing strategy to sell hoagies. It’s the only place in town that sells hoagies on Amaroso.
5. I’m stalking my “super” because I do miss living on a treelined street and smoking cigarettes on the stoop. He also showed up in my People You May Know.
6. I may delete facebook because I only use it for stalking People I Like instead of sharing posts about resisting.
7. I shared a post that asked marchers in DC to donate their unused metro cards to families in need. It got zero likes and I wondered if People I Like stopped Liking Me.
8. It’s thoughts like these that make me realize I am still a teenager and that I need to get off the internet.
9. I’m reading Joy Williams and Daniel Borzutzky and Adam Fitzgerald and I carry Lunch Poems for Emergencies.
10. I rebooting this jawn because my gmail notified me that a porn star started to follow me and wanted to see if they’ll like this post.
Just embarrassed myself all over NOLA again which I’m so good at. I don’t care about grad school anymore :( I care about money bc I am evil. Today outright rejected from two jobs went shopping pretendED it was2k3-2k9. Danced by myself. Sounded like an asshole. In front of the capital Q queer community in teeny tiny NOLA. Spilled drinkS on myself spiraled out realize it’s 2k14 and I have to do SOMETHING that makes me feel fabulous and not hit rock bottom on repeat
I went to a dance party and felt like a 1000 years old. Thank gawd for smartphones because then I have somewhere to look instead of staring at everyone with a sad face that says OMG I WANT TO JOIN YOU BUT I AM NOT DRUNK/AMPED UP ENOUGH/FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT DANCING. It wasn’t until the end of the night where not one but TWO boys talked to me.
1. “SO WHAT DO YOU STUDY?” “POETRY.” “OH WOW.” “YEAH HEH HEH YOU CAN’T TRUST US!” (why did I say this because) “OH YEAH I KNOW. I DATED ONE AND HE WAS A LIAR AND I LEARNED TO NEVER DATE A POET AGAIN.” “UMM.”
2. “WHERE YOU FROM?” “PHILLY. YOU?” “NEW YORK!” “OH WOW HA HA I’M LIKE YOUR UGLY STEPSISTER.” “THAT YOU ARE!”
I’m a hit in NOLA/total catch/swipe left-worthy, right?
AREA’s hot shot prof dad just thought her lover’s/teacher’s intellectual’s tastes are lightweight and then I flashed forward to 2016-2017 where I’m teaching HS english and some parent thinks I’m a deadweight for watching pretty little liars and writing on my tumblr as my only published work.
I love staying up all night binge-watching Netflix on one tab, and on the other tab, stalking everyone on facebook/instagram/twitter, which spurs more feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and nostalgia.
1. omg vague posts are the WORST, but I do like ones that are in all caps. Maybe it’s a match.
2. Curious about becoming a shoe shiner at a hotel but I feel like I need to be an insanely optimistic and listen to businesspeople about how successful they are/sports/stockquotes/1%politics(?) and provide recommendations in a city I have zero clue about because I spend my days either in bed with netflix, at a weird dive, an expensive gay pool I have no business being at, and coffee shops pretending I’m working on something important. Also would probably need to part my hair/make it look shiny.
3. Totally thought a post was looking for someone to be TUMBLING INSTRUCTOR ie teaching people how to use TUMBLR O___O